YOU ARE A MASTER AT CONNECTING (when you don’t even know you’re doing it).


As I look back at some of the friends I’ve had in life, I notice a common mystery – the fact that some of my closest friends were complete opposites to me.  In some cases, we were such polar opposites that I’m amazed that we even became friends.  And yet, we had.  Why ?  Perhaps, the answer lies somewhere in the fact that I did things together with these together.

Brent and I have very different personalities.  And yet, that didn’t seem to matter at all when we were out running, canoeing, and bike riding together on those hot summer afternoons. 

Todd and I were different too, but neither of us even seemed to notice it while we were playing chess for hours on end.  Sometimes we’d talk, but a lot of times, we wouldn’t.  A lot of times, we’d play video games down in the basement without ever noticing how different we were as people.

Scott and I have always been pretty very different as well, but those differences seemed to vanish when we were out walking on the railroad tracks, shooting at cans with our slingshots, just as my good friend Matt and I would forget how different we were when we were out climbing those steep rocks together up at Devil’s Lake State Park. 

It’s funny how we never worried about creating dialogue in these moments.  We never sat down Indian style to face each other with the intent of having a heart-to-heart.  We were just doing an activity that we both enjoyed.  And yet, these activities united us more than anything else could.

I’ve come to see that most great connections happen when connection isn’t even our aim.  And that, whenever we are wrapped in a common task with somebody, our differences somehow seem to vanish.  In fact, it almost becomes impossible not to form a connection with them.

If you want to connect with somebody, it may be as simple as finding just one thing that you can do together.  A jigsaw puzzle.  A card game.  A walk through the park or a bike ride.  If you find something you can do together, connection will most likely be the result that happens in an almost effortless way.

This segment of writing was taken from my new book, “How to connect with the people in your life,” which you can download HERE for free until March 29 at midnight. I hope you take a look. I hope you enjoy.