HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS – not always “common sense.”
Human relationships are not always common sense. Many of us think that we have to be important in some way in order to connect with others. We try to be funny or witty or prove that we are accomplished. And yet, the thing that matters most to people is knowing that they matter… to us.
Connection isn’t always intuitive. In fact, it actually seems to be more of an artform than a science. Because, we find so many situations where people, even when they are going through all the right motions, still don’t get the results they are after.
We commonly see people who are close,
but not connected. Talking, but not engaged. Physically
present, but emotionally absent. Sharing a bedroom,
but still living in separate worlds. Surrounded by people,
but still feeling lonely. Obviously, connection doesn’t
always fit into the small, logical box that we try to place
For every rule we think we’ve found about connection,
we seem to find an exception. There are plenty of
people who seem to go their whole lives without much
connection, and who seem to be just fine. And, there
are those who seem to have connection at every turn,
and who, somehow, still seem miserable.
Perhaps the best way to understand connection is to
break it down into general truths and principles, and to
look at them individually. Here are just a few:
- Connection is a bond. A relation. It is invisible, but its
effects can be seen.
- Connection is something that can be communicated,
but it is not limited by words. It can be felt, sensed, or
implied. It can be real or notional. Deep or superficial.
- Connection is an action – the thing we do to bring
things together. It is something that requires energy
and effort on our parts.
- Connection is a skill. It can be learned. Sharpened.
Mastered. Despite a person’s current levels of
proficiency, and despite any inclinations he was (or
wasn’t) born with.
- Connection is a necessity. It is something that we need
- particularly during certain points in our lives.
- Connection is universal. It is something that we are all
wired to create and experience. Even if we don’t know
it. Even if we are shy, introverted, or think we are anti-
- Connection is an ongoing precondition. It exists as long
as we do, and goes with us wherever we go.
- Connection is beneficial. When we have it, we are
more likely to flourish. We are more likely to experience
emotional stability and personal success.
- Connection is momentous. It can be given as a reward,
or withheld as a form of punishment.
- Connection is a goal. It must be pursued. Fought for.
Allowed into our comfort zones. Squeezed into our busy
schedules. Given our full attention. Learned and
- Connection is one of the main points of our existence.
Do you agree with these statements?
Perhaps, we should look at the basic building blocks of
connection. What are they? Since connection is the
thing we are trying to build, it will help us to know more
about the construction materials used to make it.
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